The Ketamine Files
“To anyone who is facing their own traumas and demons, I hope that some of you can find solace in these stories, knowing that it is possible to face the heaviest darkness inside of us and still continue to heal.”
For the past four months, I’ve been doing Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP). I usually get one of two responses when I tell people I’ve been doing KAP: (1) “I could never do Ketamine, too many horror stories,” or (2) “Brooooo, have you fallen down the k-hole?”
To each of these responses, I usually start by saying that Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy is wildly different from doing ketamine recreationally. I haven’t done ketamine recreationally, but after my experience in a clinical setting, I legitimately cannot imagine doing it in a party setting. Here are some key differences between KAP and recreational use:
There are rules to follow.
You need to fast. You can’t use mind-altering substances before or after sessions for extended periods of time. There are health protocols, like a clinician taking your blood pressure. You start with extremely small doses to see how you react and to make sure you feel okay.You are in a controlled setting.
Someone is monitoring you and reminding you that you are safe. The space you are in is safe—there are no strangers, no surprises. You are free to go on a journey with your emotions.The time and space are sacred.
You prepare your mind beforehand by choosing a mantra and/or positive affirmations to focus on before you begin and as your journey starts. Many clinicians will help set you up with neutral, calming music, like a sound bath or instrumental tracks. You will likely use an eye mask to help you focus on the experience while still being able to dissociate. I also burned incense that I liked.You process your experience with your therapist.
Prior to and after your journey, you discuss what you experienced with your therapist. They are there to help guide you before and after, based on your healing goals and what your mind is uncovering.
For me, following these protocols and experiencing KAP in this way was life-changing. I was able to come face-to-face with many of my traumatic memories and reframe them in a way I could never quite do with talk therapy alone. Some of them were too scary, or it just felt too overwhelming to handle. Ketamine helped me feel safe enough to face those demons and put me on a path to reframe them as I continued to process.
In the coming months, I’ll be sharing some of my most meaningful ketamine journeys—from hosting funerals for younger versions of myself to facing my abuser and setting my inner child free. To anyone who is facing their own traumas and demons, I hope that some of you can find solace in these stories, knowing that it is possible to face the heaviest darkness inside of us and still continue to heal.
