5 Valuable Lessons Dog Training Has Taught Me
I have found real joy in training and working with Millie. It’s given me purpose, pride, and has only deepened our bond. That being said, I’m not a certified trainer, dog behaviorist, or anything of that nature. I’ve taken training classes, read books, researched, watched masterclasses, and more - but this list and these lessons are personal to me and my experience with Millie.
1. You Are a Team. Full Stop.
Training isn’t about me giving orders and Millie listening. It’s Millie and I. Me and Millie. Both of us, working together, both of us, in training. Me understanding her cues, how she responds, what she likes, her triggers, her boundaries. Her understanding of my commands, corrections, and cues. Although she’s my service dog, she’s not a servant – we are a team. She advocates for me; I advocate for her. I’ll give you an example that happened recently at the movie theater. Millie has gone to a ton of movies with me. On a regular day, she settles quickly and lays at my feet for the duration of the movie. This time, she keeps looking at me and panting and nudging me with her nose. Not totally unusual, as she will nudge me when she wants pets, but I could tell she was anxious and would not settle. She would lay down for a minute or two and then sit back up panting. I took her outside and realized she had diarrhea and was sick. She did her best to let me know something was not right, and so we left the movie early. She wasn’t feeling well and would need to use the bathroom frequently, and on top of that, if she’s not feeling well, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she’s in a comfortable place. Sometimes, I think we assume that service dogs don’t have needs, but of course they do, and it’s our responsibility to advocate for those needs.
2. Trust Is the Foundation for Everything.
Just because Millie knows how to do something doesn’t mean she’ll do it. She can know her commands, but if she doesn’t trust that I have her best intentions in mind, she’s not going to follow through. Millie is extremely gentle and calm, so saying “Come” in a stern low voice has had a way lower success rate than when I’m cheery and say, “Millie, come!” It’s a bid for connection – me telling her I’m excited for her to come over and her knowing that when she gets to me, we’re going to have fun together. It takes an enormous amount of trust for a dog to decide to “leave it” or “come” in the midst of distractions or play. If they don’t think that it will ultimately pay off for them to listen, or they don’t have an interest in pleasing you, it’s game over. Luckily, Millie (and Golden Retrievers in general) have a high desire to please their owners, which makes training them easier than some other breeds, generally speaking. However, each dog is unique.
3. Consistency Matters.
If we are touching up on leash pulling and are doing re-direction drills but I decide one afternoon that I’m too exhausted to stick to my expectations of her and I let her pull and lead wherever she wants to go, guess what? The next walk is hell. If you let a dog get their way, they’ll keep doing that bad behavior because you let them off the hook yesterday. It’s not fair to expect them to read our minds and understand: today’s not a day to mess with mom, but yesterday was. Providing consistent direction & training takes work from both parties, and most of the time, it’s the humans who struggle to follow through.
4. Accept the Imperfections.
This one is really hard for me, being the perfectionist that I am. My therapist has even sent me chapters from books on perfectionism. Millie is a living being. She has her threshold, she has her limits, and she has off days. She also has great days. Sometimes, I will be doing recall work with her and she’ll get distracted by a sniff on the way to me. If this happens once, we forget about it. If it happens twice, maybe today isn’t the day. If I keep pushing it, generally speaking, it ends up with me getting frustrated and Millie’s energy levels rising. In that case, I either end the training session and go home or pivot to a different exercise. If she’s interested in sniffing, maybe I take her home and do some search drills with treats. I think it’s really important on the days that aren’t perfect to recognize how hard she tries and the effort she puts in thus far. One mistake or one bad day doesn’t erase the days and days of training and work that you’ve put in so far. Also, the problem could be me. Dogs can pick up on energy from their humans, and obviously, we all have off days too. It’s okay. Check your emotions and mental state and be honest about how you’re feeling that day.
5. You Better Make It Worth Their Time.
If the treats aren’t good, if the pets aren’t good, if I’m not fun to work with – why bother? Millie thrives on positive reinforcement. If the treat is average, she will literally take it and then spit it out of her mouth as we’re walking, (these treats were peanut butter bacon treats, by the way). At that point, she knows that the effort isn’t worth it. At first, I was flabbergasted by this. I thought Millie was food motivated, so I could not understand why she was rejecting my treats. For a second, I decided she wasn’t food motivated at all (which was wrong). But it’s on me, as Millie’s guardian, to understand and know what treats are worth it for her, and that’s something that’s personal to each dog. Millie loves little minnows as a high-quality treat; what can I say, she’s a pescatarian at heart. I have a friend whose dog loves little cut-up pieces of hot dogs, and it was the only thing they responded to. Millie also responds to different treats based on the level of distraction. At home, she’ll eat almost anything, but outside it’s gotta be real good.
Happy dog training!
Merry & Millie
